Charlie Cook On Air: Subway’s 11 Inches

CCook-onair-sm111So the Subway Footlong sandwich is only 11 inches. So Lance Armstrong was not living strong when he won 7 Tour de Frances. So Manti Te’o may or may not have “thought” he had a girlfriend. (Which reminds me of one of my favorite lines. “My girlfriend thinks that I am stalking her. Well, she is not actually my girlfriend yet.”) The funny thing about all of this is it is perfect for Facebook, Twitter, etc. In fact, a sports show host from Tampa was suspended for a couple of days this week for an exchange he had with Erin Andrews via Twitter about Te’o. He was taken off the air, not for what he said on the air, but what he said on Twitter. I was thinking about what other lies are out there and how we live with them every day.

WYYY plays the most music on the radio.

KXXX plays the best music on the radio.

(Fill in the blank) is the most exciting act on tour this summer.

Are they NEVER EVER getting back together again?

The real truth is that the day after Manti was jilted (or is that jolted?) my life was not different. I don’t care that Lance is a liar. I hardly ever even get on my bike anymore. I do kind of care about Subway. You’ve gotta wonder if the veggies are fresh as they claim. What is important when it comes to marketing yourself to the American Public? The truth apparently is not. How many millions has Subway spent convincing consumers that 11 inches is a foot? How many millions did Lance Armstrong raise for cancer research based on cheating? Was Manti Te’o second in Heismann voting because he is a great linebacker or because voters thought he was incredible for playing through turmoil? Can Taylor possibly date that many guys? Heck she has had tens of hits? I looked up the word marketing. It really is quite simple. The act of buying or selling in a market. That of course is a noun. Making it a verb is what I am talking about here. So if exaggeration is acceptable when marketing a product or a person, I thought I would take liberties with marketing slogans. Let’s see how these work.

Pandora: “Enjoy a wealth of music while we go broke.”

iHeart Radio: “More live radio stations from cities you can’t find on a map.”

This one could fit any of these three stations. KKGO/LCA WUSN/Chicago or NASH 94.7/NY. They all use a variation. “Listened to by over a billion Americans every day.”

BMI: “Where one good idea will last 70 years…after you die”

Sony Records: “We know that you couldn’t care less what label Kenny Chesney is on but we need to make a living too.”

Any publishing company: “We carried these losers for years, now we’re getting paid back.”

A particular writer for Music Row On the Air: “You try doing this every week without insulting someone along the way.”

It’s harder than it looks.

(The views expressed in this article are those of the author and do not necessarily reflect those of MusicRow.)


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