Charlie Cook On Air: Fantasy Football

This is the opening weekend of the National Football League. (I know that there has already been a game—Wednesday night is not football night, but no one is going complain. Maybe the Democrats, who have a male gap, and sure didn’t need the opening game during their convention.)

I thought it would be fun to have a fantasy draft using Country folks and plugging them into positions on the field. So here goes…

Quarterback: This should have been easy. Apparently the guy calling the signals is Scott Borchetta. My backup is Mike Dungan. I like Mike because I could also use him at offensive tackle if needed.

Running Back:  Most fantasy leagues start two running backs and this is often the most important fantasy position. Team owners are looking for someone who will show up every week and rack up yardage. My first pick is Jason Aldean. His teammates call him the “Big Green Tractor” because he mows down the defense and leaves them like mulch in his wake.

ESPN says, “Climb on Jason’s back and ‘Take a Little Ride’ into the end zone.”

My second pick is Tim McGraw. He has been gaining yards for years and it doesn’t appear that anyone has been able to curb his appetite for scoring. If there is ever a team based in Las Vegas, he would be a sure bet to lead them to a championship.

Wide Receivers:  Again, fantasy leagues have two starters. Kenny Chesney is the Wesley Walker of my team. He’s not the tallest guy out there, but he us always able to take it into the end zone when the game is on the line. He is particularly in-play for night games, because it seems like he is at his best when the sun goes down. His teammates call him “The Good Stuff” because that’s what they get from him week after week.

My second wide receiver is Zac Brown. I want someone with some outside speed and Zac can run like “The Wind.” He seems to get better as the year progresses and shines in the “Colder Weather” of December when the game is in the line. I have seen him have great games in rain and “Knee Deep” snow.

Tight End: Carrie Underwood. Back up: Jana Kramer.

Kicker:  You only need one of these on most fantasy teams because you can pick one up when yours is in the bye week, but I like to carry two in case one is hurt by accidentally getting involved in a play.

You usually don’t choose a kicker until late in the draft, after the position players are chosen. Often these kickers come from outside of the United States. Soccer-style kicking has taken over from the old way of kicking field goals. I chose Keith Urban. Like Zac Brown, Keith Urban is dependable in bad weather. You have to think of that when selecting a kicker in case it is “Raining on Sunday.” I saw him kick a 60 yarder in college. The ball took off like it was “Defying Gravity.”

My backup kicker is Taylor Swift; I would also use her to punt. It is always good to have a punter who can kick it out of bounds. Hopefully we can depend on her in the “Red” zone, though we won’t really know until late October.

They say that fantasy leagues are won and lost with the reserves. You definitely need another running back or two and a couple of additional wide receivers.

Running backs first—Miranda Lambert is the “Fastest Girl in Town,” so she is an obvious. She may not play in every game but it is good to have your guns loaded and she is my favorite pistol.

I chose Toby Keith as my next running back because he promised to bring the beer.

Wide receivers. I live in West Virginia and spent three years in Georgia. The second most important part of the game is tailgating. I found me a Georgia boy who appreciates tailgating more than anyone—Luke Bryan could be in the starting line-up before too long.

My last position player is also a wide receiver: Blake Shelton. His “agent,” John Esposito, convinced me that you simply cannot win without Blake on your team.

Finally, I need a defense. Temporary insanity?

(The views expressed in this article are those of the author and do not necessarily reflect those of MusicRow.)